Anyone out there feeling the pinch? Of course you are; with the cost of living crisis still in full swing, if you are anything like me you are constantly on the hunt for “a nice little earner” to pay the bills, as well as keep yourselves in the luxury to which you are no doubt accustomed.
Well, look no further, dear Foxy fans, because Manchester-based marketing firm Ubiquitous – a misnomer if ever there was. I have never even heard them, let alone seen them anywhere in the media before – is on the hunt for someone to watch 10 hours’ worth of TikTok videos in three days, while getting paid £800 for the pleasure.
The role includes spotting recurring trends on the platform and there are only two requirements: you must love TikTok and you must have some form of an active social media presence. Bit of a snag for me, as I find both extremely tedious…
Talking of which, I can now exclusively reveal the results of this year’s Alternative Eurovision Song Contest. Yep, while Loreen was being crowned the queen of the night with Tattoo and the UK’s Mae Muller was coming up the rear with I Wrote A Song (Which Was Shite), our friends over at Pornhub Insights were keeping a closer eye on some different figures. Well, the Merry Month of May is Masturbation Month, after all.
Now, apparently, some finalists saw big drops in traffic (Finland down 19.7%, Israel -13.7%, Norway at -12.4%, and Sweden -10.9%), but Slovenia – which wasn’t even involved – deserted Pornhub en masse, with visitors down more than 20% during the contest.
But once all the acts had shot their load, so to speak, Pornhub traffic soared again as viewers went on the hunt for a “happy ending” to their evening.
So, guess who led the stampede and therefore was crowned winner of the Alternative Eurovision Song Contest? Why it was the dirty Finnish, which, quite fittingly, sounds like a porn movie in itself.
Anyway, having seen their rapper, singer, and songwriter Käärijä bash out his Cha Cha Cha, they simply couldn’t wait to get back to Pornhub to bash one out for themselves, with their country seeing a 40% increase in traffic when the clock struck midnight.
All of which goes to show, you don’t have to be a tosser to like Eurovision but it certainly helps…
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