With sincere apologies to all my fam in Bolton, down on the South Coast: “So long sad times, Go long bad times, We are rid of you at last, Howdy gay times (well this is Brighton folks!), Cloudy gray times, You are now a thing of the past…Happy days are here again, The skies above are clearer again, So let’s sing a song of cheer again, Happy days are here again!”
Yep, May Bank Holiday looms, the sun is out, the pubs are open (albeit with some annoying faffing around with QR codes and apps), my new sex toys have arrived and suddenly everyone’s got a smile on their face.
Not least of all Desperate Dan, the Southern softie who’s hard in all the right places, as we can now rechristen May the Mutual Masturbation Month. In fact, I’m in such a good mood that even my bosses seem almost bearable (pay review due of course) and I reckon I might stay here for a bit longer…
One organisation I definitely don’t fancy working for, however, is Sussex Police, where a certain Constable Steven Green makes McFatty and McFatter sound more woke than an army of snowflakes.
You see, according to our local rag, PC Green has just been hauled up in front a disciplinary panel for a catalogue of behaviour that is normally only seen on the Cannes’ Promenade de la Croisette at the end of June.
First up, our Romeo made sexual comments to a female colleague and told her he had stirred her tea with his cock; then he watched her changing in the female locker room and gave her a shoulder massage without permission. Then he told her: “I’m a PC, you’re a PCSO, if I say bend over a table, you just do it.”
On another occasion, “Greeny” downloaded a picture of the junior officer from her Instagram and had it printed on a cup with the caption: “Brilliant but not perfect.”
In his defence, the Sussex Charmer said he was trying to make friends with the PCSO as he was not friendly with his own team who often made fun of him (no shit Sherlock) and he added: “I was having a bit of a laugh.”
Surprise, surprise, he got away with just a slap on the wrist. Still, just goes to show, there’s always a home for adland’s sex pests on the Thin Blue Line…