They say you can never get enough cock – you can even buy Cock Soup in Sainsbury’s these days – and I am certainly not going to argue against that, but in my experience it’s never there when you want it.
Take this week, for instance. There I was, hard at it in McKelvey’s front room – working of course, what do you take me for? – when up pops a fascinating news story about our old friends at xHamster signing a major sponsorship deal with the Italian cycling team Promosport Racing.
They seemed very excited about it – and I quote: “We believe that cycling, as xHamster, is all about passion, commitment and a great deal of teamwork.” In other words: “Cycling is so screwed up, they have to accept sponsorship from anyone they can these days.”
Anyway, I thought, who better to comment on this than our favourite marketing visionary – the London Business School’s very own Jacques de Cock.
After all, so far this year, our Jacques has got in touch over the Volkswagen emissions row, the FIFA scandal, Black Friday, the new Barbie dolls, the opening of an envelope, the Super Bowl and even Pep Guardiola’s move to Manchester City. (All of which begs the question, have they got any more jobs going at the London Business School – he seems to have plenty of time on his hands?)
But the one time when we could have done with a bit of Cock, he’s absolutely nowhere to be seen…
Talking of disappearing acts, you may recall just a fortnight ago we went large on the second coming of our other old friend Chris Catchpole, who was returning to the UK to spread matcha, matcha joy with his new organic cosmetics venture.
I have no idea what he’s been putting on his skin but he certainly looks youthful and his enthusiam was catching: “After months of being Kim’s guinea pig, I can testify that I can directly see and feel the benefits of everything we sell. It’s a bit like real-life, 24/7 Photoshop – you look better all the time rather than just in touched-up pics.”
Now maybe it was the weather, or maybe the sight of Reading high street, but our Chris and his gorgeous new partner have decided enough is enough already and have scrapped Kim’s Natural Beauty UK to head back to the Far East for what Chris calls “a jaw-dropping new job”.
But with the effects of my first batch of matcha wearing off fast, what am I going to slap on my face now to bring back my natural beauty? Have you got any ideas Mr Cock?
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