Why Busty will be getting stuffed this January

busty idolWell, Happy New Year once again to all you lovely people, and may 2016 bring you all that you wish for. I sincerely hope you had a better Christmas than little ol’ Busty. Sadly, I was struck down with a nasty bout of gastric flu – believe you me, it was a shocking case of both ends burning, too – which meant I had to spend most of the festive season in bed.
Now, normally that wouldn’t have been a bad thing – after all, you can’t beat a few days in the sack – but given my condition it would’ve taken a brave man to come anywhere near me.
I blame old McKelvey, of course, forcing me to go to the pub on Christmas Eve and then leading me astray to accompany him to the local takeway to fill my face with that “meat” from the big, rotating stick. Ugh…
He must have an iron constition – or maybe he just eats there all the time – as he was right as rain the next day, opening the few measerly presents he only ever gets, while I was suffering.
Still, at least there is one up-side, I have not put on any weight so I can stuff my mouth with anything I want this month while all around are eating lettuce and dust, and pounding the streets to try to shed those extra pounds. (Not that I have ever gone jogging, you understand, there isn’t a sports bar big enough to keep these 38DDs in check).
It also means that all those hampers which you kindly sent (yeah, right) are still waiting for me to devour, while all those designer shoes you sent as still in their pretty little boxes (ditto).
So how have I been whiling the time away, you may ask. Luckily, the one present I have been able to use is  my new gizmo – and I’m not talking about the latest smartphone or tablet computer either – which is providing hours of fun on just a single charge. Saves the bother of having to keep a man satifisfied, too.
There is one problem looming, however, as it is my esteemed editor’s birthday next week and he is already planning a big outing for the Decision Marketing team (that’s me, him and our tech expert, who is over from Budapest).
I am reliably informed that old McKelvey was born on Friday the 13th (back in the Sixties apparently), which was certainly unlucky for some – in fact, unlucky for anyone working in the direct marketing industry who has had the misfortune of bumping into him when he’s had a few.
Ah well, it’s messy work but someone’s got to keep him amused…but if by any chance you spot me stumbling into the local kebab shop, do me a favour and drag me out – even if I’m too pissed to walk…

You can also follow Busty on Twitter @BustyIdol

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