“It’s not coming home, not coming home. Football’s not coming home.” Yep, who would have believed it? Turns out Starmer isn’t quite such a genius after all, and, despite the Labour landslide, England lost again. Still, luckily, I did make a few bob from my wager on a Spanish victory so I can’t complain too much.
One man who is not quite so fortunate is data consultant Dan Thomas, 29, from Swindon, Wiltshire, who paid for a tattoo of the Henri Delaunay Cup alongside the words “England Euro 2024 Winners” even before the final had kicked off.
Data Dan spent two and a half hours at the Reign Barbers & Tattoos parlour in Swindon getting inked and even livestreamed the moment, receiving 42,000 views on TikTok.
It has been reported that tattoo artist Tinashe Chikerema applied the ink, but not before he “triple-checked” with the dunce if he wanted it done.
Naturally, Data Dan has no regrets; he reckons England are nailed on winners for the tournament in 2028 and plans to alter his tattoo in four years’ time.
However, it does make you wonder, how good our man is with data in his day job? Not too sure I would like him to do any analysis with that attitude.
Mind you, there are always jobs for buffoons, and a new vacancy which has popped up at Marriott Glasgow is a case in point.
The hotel is currently looking for someone to get guests in the mood for the upcoming Edinburgh Festival Fringe, with potential candidates for the “Breakfast Jester” role being invited to send a 60-second video explaining why they’re the right person to get guests in the mood for a day of laughter and music on the Royal Mile.
The job ad states that the selected applicant will be the “toast of the hotel, transforming ordinary mornings into laugh-a-minute experiences and setting the perfect tone for the day ahead”.
It adds: “Are you a witty wise guy? A rib-tickling rebel? A banter merchant? A comedian, in other words? Then your dream role may be just a scroll away.
“You’ll bring thigh-slappers, side-splitters, zingers, oneliners, and tableside crowd-work to our wonderful guests during breakfast twice a week for the duration of your run.”
To be fair to Dan, all he will have to do is turn up, roll up his trouser leg and guests will no doubt be rolling on the floor in stitches…
Follow Foxy on X and Instagram if you must, but don’t get too excited as I’m never there
