Why Foxy’s plotting revenge by entering goblin mode

foxy 414“Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer, Those days of soda and pretzels and beer, Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer, Dust off the sun and moon and sing a song of cheer.”

Yep, the sun is out and I’ve come out, too, and am now on a go slow in sympathy with those poor old P&O staff, even though the replacement workers on £5 an hour are STILL getting paid more than me.

The answer to how I can finally get my own back on my fat cat bosses has come to me. (Well, one’s still fat, the other is looking more svelte but older, so I’ve had to rename them McFatty and McFossil).

Anyway, the big news this week is that I’m going “goblin mode”. To be honest I’d never realised it was a thing – you read it here eventually – but apparently the term embraces the comforts of depravity: spending the day in bed watching Netflix on mute while scrolling endlessly through your mobile; stuffing down family bags of crisps in one mouthful; ordering Deliveroo from the takeaway downstairs because you can’t be arsed to, well, go downstairs; and eating out of tins, feral-style. And, when you do have to venture outside, you simply put a coat on over your PJs.

To be fair, I usually call that “the weekend” but I’m now planning on doing it all week and with even the highfalutin Guardian now reporting that it’s a thing, who am I to argue?

Now, apparently, the reason everyone is turning into Jim Royle is that they are sick to the back teeth of smug idiots posting videos of themselves showcasing Covid-inspired wholesome homemaking skills, such as baking and embroidery, or – even worse – shoving images under our noses of themselves dining in fancy restaurants with their mini-portions of Michelin-starred delicacies covered in foam.

The Guardian goes on to claim that, although they don’t explicitly use the term “goblin mode”, YouTube videos expressing similar ideologies have been rising in popularity.

It cites one which has had 90,000 views whose star says: “My body is a garbage can with an expiration date and I got no time for healthy shit.” Another with 325,000 views states: “I love barely holding on to my sanity and making awful selfish choices and participating in unhealthy habits and coping mechanisms.”

But maybe they don’t explicitly use the term “goblin mode” because it simply doesn’t exist, it’s just another rehash of something that has been around for years, something that is simply called blobbing out.  Or, as only “our Jim” could conclude, “Goblin mode my arse.”

You can now follow Foxy on Twitter and Instagram  (although don’t expect too much)