Phew, just when I thought I might actually have to write something about marketing this week, up pop our old friends at Pornhub; but it seems they’re not only going to rescue me, they’re planning to rescue the entire planet.
Yep, forget Greta Thunberg, Extinction Rebellion, Greenpeace or even the Green Party, according to Pornhub at least, if we really want to save the planet, all we have to do is wank more.
I kid you not, they’ve actually gone and launched a new channel of “Sexstainable” jerk off instruction videos starring Pornhub models, educating and inspiring users to start acting more “sexstainably”. So, watch out for “brand ambassadors” Asa Akira, Kira Noir, Sai Jaiden, Princess Haze, Xev Bellringer, Karina Kova, Little Puck, Honey Gold, Handsome Ben and Busty Idol (dream on, I made the last one up).
Top tips include how to be more sustainable by mitigating food waste (don’t rub chocolate and cream all over your bits during sex, have it for “afters” instead); saving water (don’t have sex in the bath take a shower ); conserving electricity (wank in the dark); and recycling (but please don’t reuse the Kleenex fellas).
Now, every view accumulated under the newly formed channel over the course of the next month will donate funds to “2030 or Bust”, which is apparently “an environmental initiative dedicated to informing and inspiring people to reduce their carbon footprints through easily accessible everyday actions”.
Kira Noir is even quoting as saying: “We’re excited to educate people in a meaningful way that will not interfere with their regularly scheduled programming on Pornhub. Combining two things people really enjoy – sex and sustainability (really?) – made the most sense in creating our ‘Sexstainable’ initiative. After all, it’s 2021. It’s important for all of us get down to business and come together…literally…to help save Mother Earth.”
Hmm, call me old fashioned but with over 4.1 billion people, or 53.6% of the global population, now using the Internet (and if our office is anything to go by most of those have been looking at online porn every day since lockdown), it is estimated that online activity is now responsible for more global greenhouse emissions than the airline industry, with emissions predicted to spurt by 2025 and double in size.
So, if you really want to have a happy ending for the planet, don’t use Pornhub at all, you tossers!