So that was summer 2016, I had joy, I had fun, I even met the man with a golden tongue. But as autumn rolls in, I have some news to impart of a very special day in the, er, marketing calendar.
What, I hear you ask, the DMA Awards? Christmas? New Year? Surely McKelvey hasn’t finally got round to launching the DecisionMarketing Awards has he? No, ladies and gentleman, get ready for… “Free Porn Day”.
That’s right, make a note sharpish before anyone else finds out – book it off if you can; phone in sick if you can’t, as next Thursday (September 8) will herald a day-long bonanza of unlimited filth on sites such as Evil Angel, Vivid, MetArt, and Kink.
Not that I will be partaking of course – it’s Xhamster or bust for me – but apparently porn lovers will be able to access a fistful of channels through the website FreePornDay.com. People interested in indulging in the event can even sign up to receive an email alert when it starts (in case they can’t remember what day of the week it is), and there is also a countdown on the page to the day itself.
Dubbed “a unique collaboration between some of the top brands in the adult entertainment industry”, all partners will be giving away unprecedented free access to their sites.
According to the blurb, you’ll never see anything like it in your life. “Sure, there’s plenty of complimentary smut available online,” it concedes, “but if you add together the offerings of all the participating sites, you have well over 1,000,000 videos available to stream, a ridiculous 30,000,000+ hours of content from which to select.”
It goes on: “By comparison, the largest free site has only about 10% of this volume of content. Plus, keep in mind that with #FreePornDay, you get the paid members’ experience – full HD, accurate titles [de rigueur no doubt] and descriptions, and photo galleries, among countless other premium features.
“These companies work hard to create the best porn in the world, and we hope you tip your cap to their hard work and consider becoming a paying customer at some point in the future.”
As The Sun helpfully pointed out: “Free Porn Day offers access to videos across several generals [bless ’em, I think they meant to say genres] including MILF sites, fetish sites, glamour sites, and amateur sites. Users can also access gay, lesbian, and transgender porn videos [how novel].
But for those of a nervous disposition, Free Porn Day could be educational too. If the results of a new survey are to be believed, nearly half of all British women cannot even identify what a vagina looks like, yet 70% could recognise the male member and accompanying parts.
Come on girls, open your eyes will ya?
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