And so, dear Foxy fans, to the Campaign Big Awards 2021, the star-studded, action-packed evening that returned last night as an in-person event for the first time since before Covid.
Now, of course, those of you who were hoping to catch a glimpse of little ol’ me in the flesh for the first time in nearly two years would have been disappointed. NFI once more.
Still, apparently there were “over 330 guests” at The Londoner Hotel in Leicester Square to witness “the best campaigns, agencies and teams over the past 12 months with AMV BBDO winning Agency of the Year and Long Live The Prince Best Campaign”.
Now, I concede I have said this before, but I do think it’s worth repeating (it also helps with the word count), as the Bard would have it “over 330 guests a Big Awards doth not make”.
And, OK, there might have been some big dicks there but even they have been overshadowed this week by Thursday’s This Morning on ITV, which included an interview with Jonah Falcon, who claims to have the world’s largest penis.
Not that he was up for a gong this time, but he did claim his manhood was the same size as the National Television Award, which comes in at an impressive 13½ inches.
Poor old Phillip Schofield was left gobsmacked (not literally, thankfully) when our Jonah flashed an image of the “beast” on his phone, shouting “hell’s fire”. Obviously Holly Willoughby knew exactly what was coming (so to speak) and she had cried off with a stomach bug, leaving her stand-in Josie Gibson equally open mouthed.
The duo then attempted to conduct a serious interview with man who admitted that once or twice he had accidentally sat on it. Even so, he went on to insist he doesn’t wish he was any different, telling Phil and Josie: “Here’s the thing, I look down and there’s nothing special.”
When they asked him if has trouble getting it on – and up – Jonah told them: “Sexually I use my mouth a lot,” to which Phillip replied: “What a waste!”
And the lesson for marketers from all this? It seems the Campaign Big Awards does not have the monopoly on big cocks, after all…