Pornhub Not My Job: This ‘toy story’ has lost the plot

pornhubWarning: This review once again contains scenes and language of a sexual nature that some readers may find disturbing, upsetting and generally quite offensive.

Yes, this week we’re back in the saddle or back in adult toy department to be more precise. You see, Pornhub – which claims to be the world’s biggest online destination for self entertainment – is launching a marketing campaign to promote a new line of Pornhub Toys.

Created with French ad agency BETC, according to the blurb at least, the “hilarious video” promotes the new range which “is built for stroking, stimulating, inserting, and vibrating, all created to enhance solo fun or partnered play”.

“Not My Job” sees a variety of phallic and vulvic household objects contesting their roles as makeshift sex toys to the tune of The Blood Hound Gang’s classic hit “The Bad Touch”.

The music video, which coincides with the 20th anniversary of the original track, features cucumbers, vacuum cleaners, electric toothbrushes, and even car tail pipes rapping their woes and advocating for the use of Pornhub sex toys instead.

Apparently, all of the objects found in the video and accompanying digital activity are taken from real stories found online. And as an added element to the campaign, consumers can even try to guess one of 250 “household objects you shouldn’t use for sex” on the campaign site, for a chance to win a unique discount code for up to 30% off a Pornhub Toys purchase.

Included in Pornhub’s new collection are Spell, an upgraded version of the bestselling vibrating wand “that works like magic”; the Silicone Cuffs for “a sleek, total control BDSM experience”, the Trilogy anal training kit and the Tighten Up endurance ring to increase male stamina and sensation. Nice.

The company claims the new toys are designed for premium performance with powerful yet quiet motors and a modern, sleek finish. All Pornhub toys are USB rechargeable and waterproof (no doubt very handy ), and come in discreetly-branded black and gold boxes.

For design fascists, the “body-safe, smooth black silicone and gold metallics mean these toys look as good as they feel”. Bless.

BETC creative director David Martin Angelus said: “We actually did an incredible amount of research for this project. We scanned hundreds of articles and forums online to find the wildest objects that had been used as sex toys. It’s amazing what people will have sex with when there isn’t a sex toy handy, especially in the current climate of shelter in place.”

The film’s director, Alice Moitié, who is said to be a future female leader of the French film scene, is obviously a woman of few words. All she said was: “As soon as I heard the idea, and that the client was Pornhub, I was in!”

So, what is the consensus around the Decision Marketing office?

Will this “hilarious” video get us rushing to order Pornhub pleasure gadgets in preparation for Lockdown 2.0? Will the familiar tones of this classic Bloodhound Gang track give us a nostalgic afterglow? Does the film show Alice Moitié’s future potential?

Sadly not.

Now, without wishing to upset our Gallic friends, it’s all a bit too, er, FRENCH. No doubt this will go down well with garlic loving, Camembert fans but having “cucumbers, vacuum cleaners, electric toothbrushes, and even car tail pipes rapping their woes” makes even Jacques Tati look highbrow.

And what the hell have they done to “The Bad Touch”? Never mind “Not My Job” they should call it “Not A Hope In Hell”; it is a truly awful Eurovision-style hatchet job.

Still, at least the “body-safe, smooth black silicone and gold metallics mean these toys look as good as they feel”. Bah.

Decision Marketing Adometer: A “qu’ont-ils fait?” 4 out of 10

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