“I wanna live like common people, I wanna do whatever common people do, Wanna sleep with common people, I wanna sleep with common people like you…”
Yes, dear Foxy fans, the tents are packed away and the sunstroke is healing – but for many who witnessed Jarvis conquer the Pyramid Stage last Saturday night, apparently the festival hangover has turned into something far more serious: full-blown post-Glastonbury Guts.
Combine that with feeling nauseas at the sight of Rod Stewart tottering around the stage with his tight trousers and scrawny arse, and Gary Numan hamming it up Darkness-style and you could be forgiven for feeling as sick as a pig. I must admit, I only watched it on the telly and even I was starting to come over all queer (lucky old queer).
Luckily, help is at hand from health “expert” Sarah Jefferies, from, of all places, Emergency First Aid at Work Course (me neither), who is very keen to explain why thousands of Brits suffer from post-festival disorder – and what can be done to recover properly.
Jefferies explains: “It’s incredibly common to feel under the weather after a festival like Glastonbury. You’ve got a perfect storm of factors – sleep deprivation, alcohol, poor nutrition, and close contact with lots of people – all of which weaken your immune system.” (Sounds like your average night out with McKelvey, to be fair.)
“You’re essentially creating a breeding ground for bugs. Add in things like smoke inhalation, a bit too much shouting or singing, and a drop in temperature at night – it’s no surprise your body takes a hit.” (Ditto.)
But don’t just suffer in silence, says Sarah, you need to rest properly. “Forget powering through. Your body needs sleep to repair – so cancel plans, lie low and allow yourself proper downtime.” (She obviously doesn’t know my boss).
Jefferies also recommends focusing on water, warm herbal teas, and easy-to-digest foods. “Give your body two full weeks off alcohol to properly detox, rebalance your gut and restore your energy levels.” (She definitely doesn’t know my boss).
Ignoring this advice, she warns, can lead to extended fatigue, lowered immunity, mood crashes and digestive issues – making your health woes last even longer. (Welcome to my world.)
But, if all else fails, you can always sign up for an Emergency First Aid At Work Course, which provides certified training for individuals and businesses looking to improve on-site safety and emergency care. From CPR and wound care to real-world workplace scenarios, they can equip people with the skills to save lives.
The thing is, the most likely person to need emergency care at this office is old man McKelvey himself – and who on Earth is going to pay for me to go on a course to save that old soak?
Follow Foxy on X and Instagram if you must, but don’t get too excited as I’m never there
