Whether you believe our brand values have been set in stone since the founders came down from Mount Sinai or that they just scribbled down a load of bollocks on the back of a fag packet in the boozer, one thing is sure – we have always been proud of our mantra “you read it here eventually”.
But, dear Foxy fans, this week we are going “off brand” to give you a world exclusive.
You see, while the rest of the planet gears up for May’s Masturbation Month we are spurting all over the place early – three days early to be precise – to bring you the latest thinking about the benefits of self-love; benefits which may actually one day save your life.
Yep, we have scoured the Universe, well, the US and New Zealand, in an effort to uncover exactly how often men and women should be getting messy in the merry month of May.
And, of course, as marketers you should be more interested than most. After all, they say a healthy consumer is a happy consumer and a healthy and happy consumer loves nothing more than buying shit they don’t need.
So, what’s the lowdown I hear you ask. Well, you might not be too surprised to find that men have to work much harder at it to get the benefits of knocking one out (might explain why they are always at it).
In fact, they must bash the bishop at least 21 times a month to stave off cancer, boost their immune system, reduce the intensity of migraines, cut risk of heart disease, and soothe the feelings of stress and anxiety. Some might even smile now and then.
As one wag explained: “In addition to decreased feelings of pain, secretion of endorphins leads to feelings of euphoria, modulation of appetite, the release of sex hormones, the enhancement of the immune response and going through boxes of tissues like a dose of salts.” (Are you listening Kleenex?)
For us girls, however, Andrea Pennington, author of The Orgasm Prescription for Women, reckons we only have to flick the bean a few times a week for the same benefits.
All of which goes to show, while it might not actually be their fault, men really are the biggest tossers in the world.
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