Desperate times call for desperate measures down West

busty idolSo, Storm Busty certainly went down well in the South West, I came, I saw, I conquered, or to give its proper Julius Caesar billing: “Veni, vidi, vici”. And that’s one in the eye – or anywhere else for that matter – to those of you who deride me for being a dumb blonde.
I certainly came in the Soho House Farmhouse cow shed, and I saw things that even I had not expected, although ultimately of course I more than conquered the whole region.
Now, I may still be writing up my SWOT analysis for old McKelvey on the viability of expanding his august organ by opening an office to serve the South West mafia, but one thing certainly struck me when I was there…and I don’t just mean Marauding Mike’s big hands on my not inconsiderable derrière either.
No, dear readers, it was the fact that you fellas down there are randier than a rampant married agency chief at the Cannes Festival of Creativity. Everyone was literally all over me like a rash.
And then a new sex survey by, would you believe, a betting website, revealed why. While those in the North West top the list with a quite impressive 17 shag sessions a month, those in the South West get their leg over with their partner just twice, although it is said that the Red Rubys, Shorthorns and Friesians of the region rarely go without.
Apparently the research is part of an ongoing study into British attitudes towards luck, with nearly 2,500 Britons quizzed about how often they ‘get lucky’ in a variety of ways.
To spice it up a bit – and obviously try to get some press coverage for their crap survey – the firm then asked all respondents how often they ‘got lucky’ with their partner. (Well, why else do you think I am covering it?)
According to the poll, the average session was revealed as a rather pathetic 22 minutes, with the most popular times revealed as ‘in the morning after waking up’ (24%), ‘when in bed at night, before going to sleep’ (23%) and ‘usually under the influence of alcohol’ (17%). ‘Down on the farm’ didn’t even warrant a mention, surprisingly.
Some bloke who claimed to be the editor in chief of the website went on to say: “Whilst some may be jealous of others for getting lucky in the bedroom more than they do, ultimately sex isn’t the be all and end all of a relationship.”
Hmm, I am guessing he lives in the South West, too, then…

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