And so to the Metropolitan Borough of Bolton to celebrate my birthday week, of course, and where better than my old home town to have one final mouthful before I start on my pre-Christmas diet?
Of course, as regular readers will know, there is a smorgasbord of treats up here, including those offered at the award-winning Cheese Stall Bolton & Bury Market, Thornton’s on Market Street and Ye Olde Pasty Shop as well as the pound-bakery, pound-pub and a pound-chippy, where they even throw in the gravy for nowt.
But with both my bosses having already started their diet plans I won’t be over-indulging that much. I can’t have them losing more weight than me can I? Then again, I could just move back up here, where, of course, I am seen as size zero compared to the local lasses.
Talking of skinny minnies, I see that Campaign – yes, dear readers, the one and only advertising bible – is looking for a new UK editor. Not that they specify you have to be thinner than a rake but that is about the only thing that is not included in the 20,000-word job spec.
Now, to be honest, I know I like nothing better than to slag off our rivals but that’s just what McKelvey expects me to do; I am only following orders, after all.
Secretly, I have always quite fancied being a queen of adland, I mean how hard can it be? OK, the readers are pretty obnoxious but surely you just get to “lunch” while all the others – that’s Maisie, Gideon, Kate, Omar, Fayola, Ben, Bethany, Gemma, Yasmin, Simon, Gurit, Brittaney, Emmet, Orianna and “Staff” – sit at their desks and bash out stories about the latest pop-up wishing fountain or sensory speakeasy?
Not that there is much mention of that, either, as apparently “Campaign’s mission is to provide professionals from across the marketing, advertising and media communities with the creative firepower they need to attract and delight consumers. In doing so, we help strengthen brands and enhance their business success”.
Then there is the not so small matter of the “specific 2019/20 goals”.
I mean, I am sure I can “grow the average monthly registered users up to 45,000 from its current average of 40,000”, no problem…
But just the thought of “weighted engagement scores” and “marketable data pots” makes my stomach churn…maybe that’s why they are all so scrawny over there.