Foxy hypnotised as the praline chocolate compass spins

Oh the joys of being self-partnered…are there any? Of course there are you fools, and, to prove my point, next month’s Singles’ Day is looming larger than world record holder Natasha Crown’s arse, although once I’ve showered myself with sticky treats my own not inconsiderable derrière might well be catching up…

Now apparently Singles’ Day is significantly larger than Black Friday and Cyber Monday combined, with some reports stating it is nearly four times the size. In fact, in 2024, total sales during Singles’ Day hit $156.4bn, compared to $38bn during the entire Cyber Week (from Black Friday to Cyber Monday). Now that is a lot of self-love.

However, if you are still desperate for romance – or for someone else to at least shower you – help is at hand from “renowned” British hypnotherapist Ailsa Frank. (You see, this column isn’t just about me…)

According to the official blurb, our Ali “draws on years of experience in helping clients navigate the complexities of love and relationships, with a new track that promises a transformational journey for those seeking to heal the past and embrace the future with open arms”.

It says here that her new recording is “meticulously designed to shift listeners’ thinking patterns, enabling them to break free from cycles of self-doubt and misfortune in love and through her soothing voice, calming music, and powerful hypnotic suggestions, users are guided into a state of deep relaxation where true emotional healing can begin”.

Not only that but “the recording employs a blend of visualisations and positive affirmation techniques to foster an environment where love can flourish. From visualising one’s heart as a garden ready to be tended, to letting go of past hurts and opening up to the possibility of new beginnings, Ailsa’s guidance offers a pathway to rejuvenating the heart’s capacity for love”.

Ali explains: “Many of us carry the burden of past relationships and self-doubt, which can obstruct our path to finding a meaningful and lasting partnership. This recording aims to gently release these blocks, realigning the listener’s emotional compass towards a future filled with love and companionship.”

Ah bless.

Anyway, never mind the emotional compass, this chocolate compass is filled with hazelnut pain de Gênes sponge, a praline soft cremeux, an oozing old-school praline insert, a praline light mousse and a shiny caramel glaze. Now, that’s what I call love and companionship…

Have a good one.

Foxy has ditched X but is still on Instagram,  just don’t get too excited as she’s never there