“He’s getting married in the morning! Ding dong! The bells are gonna chime. Pull out the stopper! Let’s have a whopper! But get him to the church on time!”
That’s right Foxy fans, the McContent & Design (we put craft at the heart of your business) Wedding of the Year is approaching fast with our very own content king, Ian “George Clooney” McCawley, getting his nuptials tomorrow in North Kent.
I must admit I’m cock-a-hoop. I’ve got my new outfit, which I’m sure will go down very well. Even more so because, now that I’ve piled on the pounds since being under the influence of Fatty and Fatter – that’s McCawley and McKelvey to you – I’m literally bursting out of it and in a good way.
My new fuller figure is certainly going down well within the industry, too, and I am starting to see why Busty was so good at getting in the gossip…
Do you think my arse will look big in this? You see, I simply couldn’t resist the Alex Perry, Lovell organza and tulle midi dress… £1,484 down to £891. C’mon girls, IT WAS 40% OFF.
The matching Gianvito Rossi Portofino 105 suede sandals were a bit pricey, but hey, I’m in the money this week on account of my new Pink Cupid sapphic money making venture.
Mind you, I’ve been so busy working – and scamming – that I simply haven’t had time to sort out my plus-one, although I do still have the rest of today – National Chat-up Day – to bag my man.
If all else fails I’ve also got Busty’s old flames, Marauding Mike, the Man with the Golden Tongue, Drop Shadow Dickie, Calamity Clive and Rogering Rog, on speed dial. And I know for a fact that, to a man, they love a wedding. Well, they’ve all had more than a few of their own…
In the meantime, I’m off to the bar to get some practice in for tomorrow. Cheers!
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