They say an Englishman’s home is his castle, and, to be fair, the palatial mansion of the old soak – that’s the esteemed editor of this august online empire to you lot – has rooms that even I have never had the privilege of entering.
And, now, believe it or not, the tech bros are getting in on the act, too, with Mark Zuckerberg snapping up a Gothic castle in Ireland, no doubt to hide away after the US court delivers its damning verdict on his empire of pain.
All of which has got one particular estate agent – OK, OK they’re called LandSale – to look at what it costs to buy your own castle here in Britain, as well as highlighting three of the best currently available for purchase (just in case you are feeling flush; if not, it’s always great to have nose round).
In fact, LandSale’s internal market data shows that the typical castle currently listed across the country carries a median asking price of “just” £2m.
First up is Kirby Knowle Castle, North Yorkshire, a snip at £7m. Sitting high above the North Yorkshire countryside near Thirsk, the Grade II-listed castle has enjoyed views across rural Yorkshire for more than 700 years and has undergone a significant refurbishment by its current owners.
Set within 65.56 acres, the castle offers seven bedrooms, five bathrooms and four or five reception rooms, alongside a cinema room, snooker and games room, wine cellar, gym and steam room.
Outside, the grounds include extensive lawns, woodland, paddocks, a pond and water features, while the estate also comes with a fully refurbished detached two-bedroom cottage. It even has a royal connection, with the listing stating that Mary Queen of Scots was a frequent visitor. Look hard enough and you might even find her head stuffed into one of the walls…
If that’s not for you, how about Shuna Island in Scotland? For £5.5m, you get a castle and an entire private continent.
Located off the west coast of Scotland, the sprawling pile extends to approximately 1,110 acres and is being offered for sale for the first time, having been held by the same family for 80 years. At its heart are the remains of Shuna Castle, an early 20th-century structure with panoramic coastal views and potential for redevelopment, subject to planning.
The island also includes eight residential properties, with 27 bedrooms in total and accommodation for up to 52 guests. Mind you, apparently the grounds do feature prehistoric twin-chamber Stone Age and Iron Age burial mounds dating back thousands of years.
Finally, for buyers whose budget doesn’t stretch that far, Bellister Castle in Northumberland is available for offers in excess of £2m, putting it in line with the typical price of a castle currently listed across Britain.
Located in Haltwhistle, the Grade I-listed property sits within approximately 4.51 acres and traces its origins back to medieval times, with the adjoining pele tower dating back to the 12th century. The fully renovated six-bedroom castle extends to 4,778 sq ft, while a restored two-bedroom lodge provides a further 1,159 sq ft of accommodation.
The private grounds include formal lawns, an established orchard, walled garden and mature trees, with the castle sitting within 1,200 acres of National Trust parkland. The property also comes with a range of Grade II-listed former farm buildings, currently used for storage, extending to 6,507 sq ft in total.
Naturally, what they have missed off is that Bellister Castle is also famous for being haunted by the Grey Man. No, not the editor of Marketing Week, but the spirit of an old minstrel who was accused of being a spy and tragically torn apart by the lord’s hunting dogs as he tried to flee. Nice.
So, there you have it. It seems an Englishman’s home is not only his castle, it is also full of ghosts, ghoulies and dismembered bodies. No wonder they don’t want to flag that up in the marketing materials…
Foxy has ditched X but is still on Instagram, just don’t get too excited as she’s never there
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