EU Referendum anyone? Bah, who cares, there’s another bank holiday on the way, and I’m hoping it is going to be the start of the summer of fun.
Not that I haven’t had a few days of angst, following last week’s tales of the Meerkat man. Funnily enough all my, er, deepthroats at Rapp have been very conspicuous by their absence. Maybe the powers that be are even monitoring their mobile phones and personal email accounts. Surely not?
Still, you can never be too careful so I thought I might cosy up to a few libel lawyers just in case the briefs come knocking. Then it struck me, why not kill two birds with one stone and bag myself a rich lawyer who could represent me if things go tits up?
A quick Google search later and I stumbled across Lawyerflirts.com, which claims to be the “best, largest and most successful online dating site for professional singles”.
As the blurb goes on: “If you are still working during happy hours and other social events, if your weekends are devoted to writing briefs or studying for your next law school exam, you will love this unique opportunity to find romance on the Web.”
Never one to hold back I got straight on there and was soon being bombarded by pervs – nothing wrong with that, of course, so long as they can do the job in hand – with usernames such as “Mr Giant Briefs”, “Masterful Magistrate” and “Judge Big Boy”. Mind you, on closer inspection most of them made Rumpole of the Old Bailey look attractive.
I might be keen, but I’m not desperate. And I was just about to jack it all in when I got a text from my old flame, Rogering Rog. He’s got a spare ticket for the European Football Championships in France and wanted to know whether I was interested. Believe me, I was down on my knees quicker than he could say “faire une fellation” – look it up if you must.
Of course, there is the little matter of the petrol strike but, hey, if anyone can spread the love among the French, it’s gonna be Mademoiselle Busty surely? Fill her up lads…
And if I time it right, I might even be able to catch an eyeful of Christiano Ronaldo in Lyon on June 23rd and still make it down to Cannes for the annual “shag an agency chief” festival.
Now that’s what I call a summer of fun.
You can also follow Busty on Twitter @BustyIdol
