Places to avoid on the Côte d’Azur

BustyWow, what a night. Neymar and Oscar may well have set the World Cup party going but Pedro, Enzo, André, Thiago, Davi, Vitor and Marcelo certainly ensured my night went off with a bang – a big one at that.
As you may recall, “A little bit of Pedro in my life, A little bit of Enzo by my side, A little bit of André is all I need, A little bit of Thiago is what I see, A little bit of Davi in the sun, A little bit of Vitor all night long, A little bit of Marcelo here I am, A little bit of you makes me a woman”…
Mind you, I’ve got to make the most of it down here because – would you believe – me and my big mouth have got me in trouble again.
My visits to the local agencies have somewhat backfired as the boss of Huge – Huge by name, Huge by nature – is insisting I join him in Cannes, of all places.
It’s not easy being me, you know. So it seems I will be slumming it in the South of France, after all, fighting off pasty-white, married Don Draper wannabes begging to see my full Brazilian.
It’s two years since I’ve been to the Cannes Lions Festival of Debauchery – and I’m still trying to blank out my previous visit when my body took a real pounding, in more ways than one.
Luckily (or not) I did stumble upon a great article by “PR to the stars” and former Campaign, er, special reports editor, the one and only Jane Austin. (Well, she’s not really the one and only is she, but you get my drift.)
Anyway, she’s written the definitive guide to the best places to eat, greet and meet clients at Cannes, and a mighty fine read it is, too.
However, whether you want to be taking advice from someone who admits: “last year I got trapped in the glass revolving door on the Carlton Terrace; as a warm non-rosé induced flush consumed my body, and the glass panes began to mist up with my sweat and anxiety, perhaps resignation, I prayed that I would not be saved and just left to expire into a pool of perspiration”…is a different matter.
Still, as someone who’s been to every venue under the sun, sometimes even sober, our Janey offers some pretty sound advice. So, dear readers, you too can visit the Palm Beach Casino, Le Bar Au Vin, Le Jardin, Sushi Kan, Il Viaggio, The Absinthe Bar, the Grand Hotel, The Carlton and even McDonald’s, where Ms Austin will no doubt be picking up her commission for mentioning them in such glowing terms.
Mind you, as she’ll also have an entourage of those pasty-white, married Don Draper wannabes in tow, you can always use her guide as the perfect places to avoid. Thanks hun!
Catch me if you can on the Côte d’Azur…

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