I’ll tell you what, this motherhood malarkey is far too much like hard work. I’ve been up all night and hard at it all day, and we haven’t even started filming “Yummy Mummy Busty Cums Over All Lusty” yet.
Luckily I’ve drafted in some slave labour, er, I mean a loving nanny to give me a helping hand. Not that it was easy. You see, like any self-respecting young mum these days, I did not want a good-looking one.
At first I had a hell of a job finding a munter. A quick search on Google proved fruitless. Would you believe that welluglynanny.co.uk doesn’t exist? Nor mingingnanny.com or hideousdognanny.co.uk either? The only half decent one I could find was uglynannies.blogspot.co.uk but that hasn’t been updated since 2010.
What’s a girl to do? Back in the day Jude Law hired one, a lady called Meena, who was described as “of a certain age and generous weight”. But could I trace her? Could I hell.
Thankfully I took a few tips from the agency “muffia” – well, the handful of them who are still talking to me – and I am now in possession of a mono-brow Moldavian called Monica, who it has to be said is a godsend. She changes my little sweetheart, she feeds her, she looks after her all day, she puts her to bed. And on the odd occasion I want to parade her in front of my girlfriends, Monica is there in the background to whisk her away when she starts to kick-off.
Talking of kicking off, I hear the Publicis Omnicom merger is creating mayhem in the agency-world, with my esteemed editor being bombarded all week with rumours about agency closures, mergers and exits.
One person even claimed they were going to merge all the DM agencies into Kitcatt Nohr Digitas, which our anonymous tipster speculated was going to be rebranded, Kitcatt Nohr Rules the World. Then again, on closer inspection it was sent by a bloke called “Nohr”…allegedly.
Another suggested that they are planning to select a few of the initial letters of some of the Ominicom agencies, Claydon Heeley, Agency Republic and Rapp to make CRAP and do the same with Publicis ones such as Arc, Razorfish and Saatchi X and make ARSE.
And, to be fair, it would be a Campaign sub-editor’s dream. “Crap & Arse does shit that folds”…well, it does have a certain ring to it doesn’t it?
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Busty’s with child… although not exactly loving it. Mind you she’s having fun with the Publicis Omnicom meltdown http://t.co/fv1uRTvHB4