“The ice age is coming, the sun is zooming in, meltdown expected, the wheat is growin’ thin, engines stop running, but I have no fear, ‘Cause London is drowning, and I, I live by the river.”
Yep, you guessed it, the silly season is upon us again, and, according to The Sun at least, next month’s Thames Barrier strike is threatening to leave some of our most famous landmarks 30ft under water.
Its crack team of hacks reckons that areas in serious danger of flooding include Westminster, the O2 Arena, Tower Bridge and heavily populated areas near the river, such as Greenwich, Canary Wharf and Fulham. They have even mocked up some pictures to show what it would look like.
Not that I care, to be honest, as Roxy and I have now booked our SUMMER HOLIDAY! After last year’s Decision Marketing Holiday Bus fiasco, in which you may recall we had to be towed back from France because the big end went, we have decided to ditch Fatty and Fatter (our esteemed bosses) and go on a girly break instead.
Luckily, one good thing did come from last year’s break and that was, of course, Pierre, our nominated AA driver. He has invited us to Orgy – in the Bourgogne-Franche-Comté region of France, of course – because we missed out last time.
And not only has he promised to show us around all the local sites and wine and dine us at the region’s top eateries – including La Côte Saint-Jacques, Auberge la Beursaudière, and the interestingly named La Marmite – he has even vowed to let us pop into Anus. Mind you, doing Orgy and Anus in one day might be a bit much, even though Roxy and I do like to gorge.
Talking of which, I almost forgot to mention that we had a double date and a very weighty lunch at Gopal’s of Soho with Chubby and Chubbier (that’s the Klive duo of Chris Ward and Chris Martin to you lot).
Oh how we laughed and laughed, and laughed some more, and that was just when we saw “Wardy’s” new Shergar gnashers – a snip at ten grand. Anyway, eight bottles of Château de Berne Provence Rosé (we are in training for our hols already) and at last Klive’s BrandActivism premise started to make sense.
Not only that, but they have also managed to persuade us to join their “Klive Akademy” of designers, junkies, editors, writers, circus clowns and techies. Mind you, there is more chance of London flooding than them getting their grubby hands anywhere near our Vagina Museum briefs…