You see, we were supposed to be off on the second Decision Marketing Girls’ Weekend Away and I should already be living it up in a posh hotel with the new McKelvey sisters, Roxy, and Peggy and Meggy from Skeggy.
However, we’ve been forced to put our plans on hold after McFatty and McFatter decided it was their turn to be off on a Decision Marketing Boys’ Weekend.
Now, I really do dread to think what that involves but I know that at least one of them has a “thing” for Patsy Kensit and is angling to be hubby number five, after it all went tits up with Dan Donovan, Jim Kerr, Liam Gallagher and Jeremy Healy.
Somehow, I don’t rate his chances, but there will no doubt be numerous viewings of Absolute Beginners, Lethal Weapon 2, Twenty-One, Blame It on the Bellboy and Bitter Harvest – not to mention Emmerdale. Poor cleaner, that’s all I can say.
Still, at least it means we have the office – and McKelvey’s palatial mansion – to ourselves for the next few days so we’ll be partying for England anyway.
In fact, we plan to invite over the gorgeous, witty, brainy and übersexy proprietor of Spoon Creative Ltd, Mr Jonathan Spooner Esq.
We know he is free, as sensibly he declined the offer to join the Decision Marketing Boys’ Weekend, saying something about how he’d rather have a needle poked in his eye – which ironically is what he has been having quite regularly.
In fact, we know he is free most weekends as he regularly tells his giant social media following that it is “Another Saturday night and I ain’t got nobody, I’ve got some money because I just got paid. Oh how I wish I had someone to talk to, I’m in an awful way.”
To be honest, Roxy is smitten and is desperate for some “Spoons”.
So, with apologies to Sam Cooke, come on over Johnny: “We’re havin’ a party, dancin’ to the music, played by the DJ, on the radio, the Coke will be flowin’, Roxy will be blowin’, and her and her fella will be spooning on the floor.”
Have a great weekend!