“Let’s talk about sex, baby, Let’s talk about you and me, Let’s talk about all the good things, And the bad things that may be.” Yep, with Puny Putin seemingly hell bent on Armageddon, my mind keeps turning to how I will spend the four-minute warning before we all get nuked.
To be honest, I’m not too sure that my man Desperate Dan, the southern softie who’s hard in all the right places, is going to be much use.
After all, like most blokes it takes him at least half an hour to get off the sofa if he’s got the footie on, let alone get it up on demand.
As if to prove the point, back in 2018 there was an erroneous mobile phone alert telling Hawaiians that a ballistic attack was imminent. Apparently thousands of islanders reported that engaging in panicked, fearful doomsday sex is not actually the beautiful experience you might expect it to be. No shit, Sherlock.
At the time, the media quoted some poor soul, who said: “I mean, we’re in paradise, I figured something like this could be a bittersweet goodbye. But man, I wasn’t sure how fast I’d need to finish and, really, my head just wasn’t in the game. Halfway through I just gave up because I figured if it’s the end of the world, maybe I should just call my mom.” Bless.
Still, it appears help may well be at hand from the massive growth in the popularity and take up of sex robots, if the results of a new survey by SexualAlpha are to be believed.
No longer the domain of sad losers who can’t get a girlfriend, apparently far more people – men and women alike – would now prefer to make use of a robot than invite another human for a casual encounter.
And, of the 1,729 individuals quizzed, nearly one in five have either engaged in sexual acts with or outright owns a sex robot. In fact, 50.7% of them thought it’s possible to form genuine romantic attachments to sex robots, while 41.9% of people said they would even have a threesome with a sex robot. I’d love to see the marketing campaign which promotes that.
Mind you, knowing my luck, by then I won’t be able to afford the electricity to run the bloody thing. That’s another reason Mr Puny must die…
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