Roses are red, violets are blue, I really despise Valentine’s, part two. Yep, I am back on my favourite subject again after another wash-out. It seems I have more in common with the gorgeous, witty, brainy and übersexy proprietor of Spoon Creative Ltd, Mr Jonathan Spooner Esq, than I first thought…
Still, perhaps I have been looking in the wrong place for romance as most men I go for are too in love with themselves to give me the attention I need.
You may recall that back in February last year – just hours after relishing the sexual afterglow of NATIONAL CHOCOLATE CAKE DAY – I got a text from Desperate Dan, the southern softie who used to be hard in all the right places, telling me it wasn’t me, it was him and I was dumped. To be fair I was more annoyed by the fact he’d got in first.
Anyway, according to our friends over at Illicitencounters.com, men who drive tractors are the UK’s best lovers, with more than four out of ten women insisting that farm workers are experts at getting down and dirty in the sack. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Porsche drivers came bottom.
Spokeswoman Jessica Leoni said: “Who would have believed the humble farm yard tractor driver is better in bed than a posh car driver? There is something about men who work on the land – they are often strong and healthy – and it seems that pays dividends in the bedroom.”
For those of you who can’t stand the thought of that – and are getting fed up with seeing your ex all over the Internet – help is at hand from digital agency Reboot, who have just launched a new service to remove your ex’s presence across all platforms.
Whether that is deleting their address from your Deliveroo profile and removing them from your Spotify, or stumbling across your ex-mother-in-law as a suggested follow on Instagram, Reboot claim they will scour the Internet to ensure you never see your ex’s name (or their mums/dads/dogs) pop up on your screen again.
Managing director Naomi Aharony said: “Breaking up is tough, but letting go of digital ties should be straightforward. Reboot’s Ex-IT service isn’t just SEO expertise; it’s data-driven liberation. We’re erasing the traces of past relationships from your digital footprint, giving you a clean slate online. No more unintentional encounters or awkward reminders – just a precise, data-focused breakup.”
All of which got me thinking, I wonder if Reboot could get rid of all our annoying magazine rivals, too, as whenever I’m online, I seem to be inundated by bores from Campaign and Marketing Week telling me how marvellous their publications are.
And, to be fair, I for one would be more than willing to stump up good money for anything that would stop me from seeing that prat in a hat from The Drum every time I log on to LinkedIn…
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