Why Foxy’s planning to make a decent fist of the 60th

foxy 414Well, we’ve rifled off our proposal and now we’re awaiting confirmation of the “tissue meeting” from Harry and Megan; c’mon we’ve even bigged up our “Sussex” credentials (McKelvey is not only born and bred, he’s never lived anywhere else) so surely the Megxit account will soon be in the bag. A girl can dream, can’t she?

Mind you, we’ve all been on it for days on account of the fact that we’ve had to endure my esteemed boss’ BIRTHDAY WEEK. Never mind Storm Brendan, we’ve had Cyclone Charlie since Monday.

It seems a long time ago now when it all kicked off with a lunchtime trip to the Decision Marketing canteen, otherwise known as our local The Indian Cottage Tandoori curry house, where owner Abdul (yes, that IS his name) always puts on a good birthday bash.

Bless him, he even provided a cake, although it only had one candle – the other 58 were missing – which was probably a good job as McKelvey is so old these days he’s struggling to catch his breath.

Not that there seemed to be much of a problem at the other end. No wonder local news sites were issuing a “DOUBLE wind warning for West Sussex”.

But you can’t keep a good man down, and we need to get in shape, especially now he’s realised this is his 60th BIRTHDAY YEAR. As anyone who has ever been out to lunch with McKelvey will testify, it could be a very messy 12 months…

Talking of which, I was just looking on Roxy’s laptop for present ideas (well, she still hasn’t re-emerged from the Vayjayjay girls) when I was greeted by a pop-up from Amazon (cookies, hey, doncha just love ‘em).

It suggested that I should check out the Doc Johnson Fist, 13½ inches of Sil-A-Gel presented in an attractive cream flesh colour, which is rigid but comfortable and flexible.

And I quote: “If you have been dreaming of sexual penetration with an arm and fist, then this is the product to bring all your fantasies to life. It is ultra-realistic, and you simply can’t beat it for the extremely high levels of sexual stimulation it provides.” (No wonder Roxy hasn’t been seen for weeks.)

The thing is, if I’m totally honest, I’ve NEVER dreamt of being fisted but, hey, each to their own. And, you never know, it could go down (or up) very well as the perfect Megxit brand extension. Someone’s going to get shafted, after all…

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