Why Stuey is the daddy these days

Well, that was summer then and it was certainly an eventful one for me. I’ve been down and dirty at Glasto, had “the Big Night in with Busty”, had an amazing week with Tarquin Farquhar and even been in a new movie.
However, with the onset of autumn, I’m afraid I’ve realised the error of my ways in adopting my little princess from “Latifah” in Nigeria. The Yummy Mummy Summer of Fun was good while it lasted but, hey, all good things have to come to an end sometime.
So I have been left posing the question: what to do with the little blighter? Luckily I’ve got hold of Elton John’s number from Mr Whacky Man – that’s former Hicklin Slade boss Philip Slade to most of you. Mad Phil had his contact details on account of the fact he used to buy all his garishly hideous flock wallpaper-style suits from David Furnish.
And I’ve almost got him to agree to take her on. To be fair I’m sure Elt and Dave will be able to give her a much more rounded upbringing than little ol’ Busty…and they’ll be able to afford a much better nanny than my mono-browed Moldavian, Monica.
Mind you, I’m going to be hanging on to her for at least another week.You see, the indefatigable Stuart Archibald is back in town and has arranged a “baby shower” next Wednesday evening at the Crown and Two Chairmen on Dean Street, London. Yep, you guessed it, he’s the “daddy” now.
It seems there’s life after Little Italy, after all. To be honest, the last time I saw him he was staggering round Soho most nights, looking lost and rather emotional. But he’s chaaaaanged, allegedly.
First he bagged himself a decent woman – never mind girls, there’s plenty more rich men out there – and now he’s got a kid. My god, whatever next? Stuey going tee-total? (Nah, he did try that once but believe you me he got really boooooring.)
Anyway, no doubt Sara from Campaign will be there; her kid loves nothing more than sinking a few pints in the pub, and hopefully Stuey’s little darling will be in attendance, too. It would be rude not to take my little blighter along; she loves a party.
Let’s just hope social services don’t find out – they could have a bloody field day…

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