“It’s not coming home, it’s not coming home, football’s not coming home”… At the risk of saying I told you so, I BLOODY WELL TOLD YOU SO. And so it was another case of “qui venientes viderunt victis” (translation courtesy of Frank “Latin GCSE” Lampard) as the spaghetti noshers wrecked our night and our dreams.
Not that I actually remember the penalty shoot-out. I decided to ditch the Flavanol and go for the jugular; the rather large jugular of McKelvey’s homebrew concoction of Foxy Over A Barrel.
Suffice to say it lived up to its billing. After a few pints of the assertive, zesty and bold premium craft ale, which is big with an ample body and a great finish, I wasn’t just over a barrel; apparently I was rolling all over McKelvey’s tightly manicured “garden-of-the-year in-waiting” like a woman possessed. Ego sum stultus, as Super Frank would say.
Anyway, as if losing on penalties wasn’t depressing enough, it now seems the only thing that did “come home” was that this country is still full of racist arseholes and many of them are in Government.
Anyone seeking some light relief after such a week of doom and gloom is being urged to visit the world’s biggest adult entertainment site, Pornhub, which is launching an interactive guide to discover and learn more about erotic art in some of the world’s most famous fine art museums.
You see, with museums finally reopening as pandemic restrictions lift, Pornhub claims it wants to do its part in stimulating the public to visit, explore and fall back in love (or lust) with these cultural institutions.
“Classic Nudes” is a new marketing initiative that sees the Louvre, the MET, the Prado, the Uffizi Gallery, the Musee d’Orsay and even the National Gallery jump aboard; any port in a storm… or should that be any hole’s a goal?
Still, bear with us.
To jump aboard yourself, you can tour each of the six museums – either in person or at home – via the Classic Nudes mobile website. The online portal guides visitors past the masterpieces and gets right to the good stuff: representations of the naked body in all its artistic glory.
Over to Pornhub brand ambassador Asa Akira, who appears to know a thing or two about taking her clothes off. After all, according to IMDb, her extensive film credits include Internally Yours 7, 100% Pussy, Anal Dream Team and Double Black Penetration. She also goes by the charming Instagram tag of @asahole.
Anyway, Akira enthuses: “There’s a treasure trove of erotic art around the world – depicting nudes, orgies, and more – that’s not available on Pornhub. These pre-Internet art pieces are currently sitting in museums, which we are now finally able to start visiting again as Covid restrictions are starting to lift.
“So as people start to head back to the Louvre or the MET, they can simply open Classic Nudes, and I’ll be their guide. Time to enjoy every single brushstroke of these erotic masterpieces with me.”
If that doesn’t consign the art world’s stuffy and elitist image to the “annals” of history, nothing will.