Foxy reveals why Cyber Weekend fuels rock hard sales

Friday the 13^th…are you feeling lucky? As we all know, November brings a number of absolute certainties in the UK: horizontal drizzle, wall-to-wall Mariah Carey and Slade, and, now, apparently, a sudden, nationwide stampede for rechargeable silicone.

Yep, dear Foxy fans, while the rest of the world views Black Friday as a desperate quest for discounted air fryers and half-price flat-screen TVs, the British public treats Cyber Weekend as the official starting gun for “saucy season”.

With the clocks already going back and sunset arriving roughly around lunch-time, the collective national psyche quietly decides that if we are going to be trapped indoors until April, we might as well make our own entertainment…can you guess what that might entail?

For those of you who can’t be arsed, luckily help is at hand from a new analysis by Idealo (no, me neither), which reveals that UK search interest and sales of sex toys experience a rock hard winter climb that begins during the Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales, historically recorded as the single busiest shopping days of the year by major UK retailers like Lovehoney, and climaxes in January during “cuffing season”. That’s one helluva session…

Apparently, by Cyber Monday, the nation’s poor old posties are groaning under the weight of a huge volume of mysteriously buzzing parcels, with Royal Mail’s finest braving frost and fog, carrying whisper-quiet motors that will soon work harder than the national grid during Christmas Day itself.

To be fair, it is a triumph of British pragmatism. Why spend forty quid on a single round of watered-down festive cocktails in a freezing beer garden when you can invest in something waterproof, USB-chargeable, and guaranteed to keep the central heating bill down?

As December rolls in and the office party season reaches peak, Britain’s bedrooms quietly transform into cosy winter sanctuaries. Forget roasting chestnuts on an open fire; across the UK, the true sound of the festive season is the discreet hum of a Cyber Monday bargain doing its bit to keep the winter chill at bay – and keep the nation smiling.

Have a good one!

Foxy has ditched X but is still on Instagram,  just don’t get too excited as she’s never there