Beach body ready? Bah, Foxy puts the gorge in gorgeous

With summer fast approaching, many of you girls might be tempted to reach for the fat jabs to get “beach body ready”. To be fair, I’ve tried everything else. I’ve dunked the Dukon, waddled with Weight Watchers, messed up the Mediterranean, synned on Slimming World, crashed the DASH and gone extra large on the Volumetrics but those pounds just keep coming back.

I even tried my cousin’s “The Busty Diet, in association with, yes, you guessed it, Pornhub”. (Basically, you could eat as much as you liked but you had to commit to spend at least an hour a day exercising to porn. In a nutshell, you could stuff your face, fill your boots and still lose weight.) Sadly, even that went tits-up, quite literally.

But even if the jabs work where the “Pornhub Workout” failed, apparently there’s a new sting in the tail.

According to a poll by IllicitEncounters (who else?), the “glow-up” doesn’t always lead to a happy-ever-after. While the weight might drop and the confidence might soar, the bedroom temperature often plummets, with over a third of women finding their partners have become less affectionate after the weight loss, presumably because they no longer have as much to actually grab onto.

Another 34% reported a spike in green-eyed jealousy, while 29% of women felt their partners were “intimidated” by their new confidence.

It turns out that while you’re busy shedding the pounds, your partner is busy gaining a massive complex.

Sex expert Jessica Leoni reckons the findings reflect a power shift that can occur when one partner undergoes a visible transformation. “Weight loss can dramatically alter relationship dynamics,” she explained. “If one partner’s confidence increases significantly, it can unsettle the balance that existed before.”

She added that insecurity can manifest in subtle but damaging ways. “For some partners, especially if the relationship was built around a certain dynamic, a physical ‘glow up’ can trigger feelings of inadequacy or fear of abandonment. Instead of celebrating the change, they may withdraw or become jealous.”

Now while this may all be great news for Illicitencounters subscription numbers, what would you rather do, gorge on cheese and chocolate and be happy and gorgeous, or eat dust and be miserable and scrawny… Just saying.

Foxy has ditched X but is still on Instagram,  just don’t get too excited as she’s never there