Busty on the hunt for Pussy…

Is it just me or has everyone been talking about a certain energy drink this week? It could be said that there’s been Pussy galore… even my esteemed editor got in on the act with his ‘mauled’ headline.
My week had started pretty badly, to be honest. Three days scanning The Sunday Times Rich List had put me in a state of deep depression. So much money, so many ugly people. And no matter how much I look at his £13.3bn fortune – and compare it to my own rather barren bank account – I’m afraid even I can’t imagine getting “over-friendly” with Alisher Usmanov.
But a girl has needs you know, and following reports that Pussy Drinks had been slammed by the rather cheerless Advertising Standards Authority for putting its name on a poster, I thought I’d do a little digging on its rather dashing founder, Jonnie Shearer.
It took a while. There are literally hundreds of blogs from gnarled old feminists bemoaning the Pussy brand, claiming it demeans, er, feminine genitalia. Speak for yourself girls, not getting any?
Eventually when I did find some stuff on Jonnie, I must admit it didn’t look too promising. I mean this bloke launched the business from his bedroom. I quote: “All my friends were working in the City, and I was in my old bedroom, launching a drink called Pussy. Half the time important calls would come in and my mum would pick up and the phone and shout, ‘Johnny, it’s for you!’” Ah bless.
However, things started looking up when I read he’d actually been to £25,000-a-year Sherborne public school, meaning his “old bedroom” was probably the East Wing of a huge house. Hmm a man with a few bob, maybe.
And suddenly his assertion that he’d “borrowed £25,000 from family friends to start the business” started to look like modesty. Basically, he just got the cash from his parents. Result.
Then I read he’s worth about £10m. Admittedly, no where near Usmanov’s league, but hey, this guy is going places. And you know what they say, behind every successful businessman there’s a good woman. I’ve got plenty of ideas about brand extensions too…
So Jonny you’d better watch out; Busty is gunning for you and I don’t give up easily. OK, he may be a posh twat, but he’s mates with Richard Branson’s kids; probably knows Prince Harry too. In fact, he could pave the way for little ol’ Busty to get a crack at the ‘Ginger One’ – I always go down on both knees for royalty.
And anyone who can get the quote “Holly Branson liked the taste of Pussy” into a national newspaper can’t be all bad…

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