Half-term hey, doncha just love it? Even though my daily commute only involves walking up the road to old McKelvey’s house, I feel for you lot having to endure pesky kids and bickering parents crammed into your trains. And have you ever tried to get into Agent Provocateur when the streets are flooded with people sporting more backpacks than you will find at a rambler’s convention?
What’s a girl to do? Luckily for me, help is at hand following last week’s launch of the Busty Balls Awards as I found myself being inundated with invitations to be spoilt rotten in deepest, darkest Dorset with Lascivious Lads keen to get on the shortlist.
Plenty thought they deserved a place among those nominated as The Man Who Has Made the Most Outstanding Contribution to Women; others reckon they are The Man Who Has Made the Most Outstanding Contribution to the Pole Dancing Industry.
Perhaps unsurprisingly The Man Who Has Made the Most Outstanding Contribution to the Drinks Industry is also proving a popular category, while there seem to be no shortage of fellas who think they are The Man Who Has Made the Most Outstanding Contribution to his Own Ego.
Funnily enough, some thought they could sweep the board and pick up all four awards. Step forward Mike, Jeremy, Andrew and Steve, Rogering Rog and Calamity Clive.
Now even I can’t handle all six at once, so I’ve decided to give them all a day’s trial to see if they really are man enough to get their mitts on all four big ones. But despite reports to the contrary, I’m no submissive (sorry lads) so I told them this week was definitely out. I don’t want my pleasure-time in deepest darkest Dorset to be drowned out by kids moaning that they can’t get a mobile phone signal, do I?
All of which means I’ve got a busy week ahead before the nominations close…You see, it’s not easy being me.
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