I’ve learned a lot about myself this week; some good, some bad, plenty ugly, and I have to say it has been enlightening to say the least.
Fact One: I’m obviously at the forefront of the new baby boom. That’s right, my little princess is just one of 813,200 new babies living in the UK, according to government figures, and the country is now officially chockablock with screaming kids. Being a stay-at-home mum is now also seen as a lifestyle choice. This population explosion does have its downside, however, as it means there are loads more yummy mummies on the hunt for young studs. I’ve got a lot of competition, which is far from ideal.
Fact Two: The whole country is on holiday apart from me. I’ve been so wrapped up in motherhood that I have forgotten to book a trip abroad and now I’ve got two more people – my princess and her mono-browed Moldavian nanny Monica of course – to pay for, I’m going to have bag myself a very, very rich man. My on-off fling with Tarquin Farquhar is decidedly off at the moment; he doesn’t like kids, and he’s shit scared of Monica, too.
Fact Three: I might have to pass over the management of Busty’s Direct Marketing & Sales (BDSM, of course) following AIS London’s Waitrose win. People have been talking for years about how the agency would probably have to merge with Havas EHS once Stuey, Jingle and Strett departed. But the new bosses at AIS have actually been doing much better since the guys quit…and I bet the expenses department aren’t quite as busy either!
Fact Four: Don’t upset Marc Nohr anymore. He hasn’t had a great week, has he? Not only did he have to admit that his agency had actually lost a pitch – which in itself is a record – he was also allegedly a little upset when his plan to rebrand all the DM agencies in the Publicis Omnicom merger as Kitcatt Nohr Rules the World fell on deaf ears.
Fact Five: The porn world has moved on considerably since I filmed Busty Does Bognor. Having just received the, er, “script” for Yummy Mummy Busty Cums Over All Lusty, I am a little reluctant. I mean, never let it be said that I’m not a game bird, but do we really have to film it in the panda enclosure at Edinburgh Zoo? Apparently their only female panda Tian Tian may be pregnant, so her partner Yang Guang is getting frisky again. I’ve no idea why that’s my problem, but, hey, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do I suppose…
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