Roll up, roll up, roll up – quite literally – you wait ages for a decent National Day and then three turn up at once, with National Cider Day, followed by National Cheese Day and now National Doughnut Day. No wonder it’s National Stroke Week, too.
In fact, having gorged on Silly Moo, Crippled Cock, Dirt Lover, Fat Bottomed Girl, Stinking Bishop, and Drunken Hooligan, I am fit to burst, while the only thing that is looking thin is my bank balance.
But help could be at hand from Morrisons, which is launching a nationwide hunt for its first-ever chief doughnut tester, who it claims will be paid handsomely to help taste-test its Market Street doughnut range and give feedback on new flavours and textures before they reach the shelves.
The successful applicant will work with Morrisons’ internal doughnut team to help develop a new limited-edition doughnut, which is set to launch in stores next year for National Doughnut Day 2027. The winner will also receive a year’s supply of Morrisons fresh Market Street doughnuts, to boot.
Mind you, apparently, the job is not quite as simple as it seems as there are plenty of different personality types you have to cater for.
According to one recent analysis, those who love stuffing down a classic glazed doughnut know what they like in life, and have an “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” attitude. They love robust meals, like a Sunday roast or fish and chips. A little cautious by nature, they are also modest and self-disciplined.
Meanwhile, chocolate doughnut lovers recognise that life is too short, and everyone should enjoy an indulgence. They are always up for a party, and will have a wide circle of friends they know that they are fun to be around.
However, the jam-lovers are logical and reliable, and people always know where they stand with them. They may also be the organiser in their social circle, as they have great balance in life, and have a knack of being able to please most people, most of the time.
Then again, people who like custard-filled doughnuts can be quite passionate, sometimes fiery on the outside, but also kind and warm-hearted; sprinkles lovers are adventurous, innovative, and a lot of fun to be around; and iced doughnut fans are genuine and kind-hearted, and know that playing hard is just as important as working hard.
Sounds like a nightmare. On second thoughts, you can stick your job where the sun don’t shine Morrisons, I’m off to Dunkin’ Donuts…
Foxy has ditched X but is still on Instagram, just don’t get too excited as she’s never there
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