Another week, another attempt to bring you all some joy, although I’m afraid I’m in a bit of a rush on account of it being a very special day in the international calendar. Yep, the seventh day of May is International Masturbation Day and I have got big plans to celebrate it all afternoon.
Now apparently the first National Masturbation Day was on May 7, 1995, with sex retailer Good Vibrations declaring the day in honour of Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, who was fired by President Bill Clinton in 1994 for suggesting masturbation be part of the sex education curriculum for students.
Obviously Bill was the only one who was allowed to have someone toss him off, hey Monica?
Still, as every self-respecting solo artist knows, one day is never enough for self-love, so four years ago May was declared Masturbation Month, although this year’s event is even more fitting; after a tough 12 months, we all require some healing.
Not only that, but it is said a mata köttbävern (no, not an Ikea furniture range but Swedish slang for a wank) can protect you from Covid. You see, self-pleasure has the unique power to decrease stress, alleviate aches and pains, improve your immune system and bring a big smile to your face, meaning you can heal physically, mentally, and spiritually.
But what has this got to do with marketing? To be fair not much although Lelo – sex toy maker to the stars and 2021 Luxury Brand of the Year at the XBIZ Europa Awards – is banking on making a big splash this month by discounting some of its most popular toys by up to 80%.
This includes bundle deals that can save you over £100 and price cuts on the most luxurious of vibrators, such as the G-spot loving Soraya 2, the Sona Cruise pressure-wave stimulator, and the Ora 3, which rotates and vibrates like a tongue, but better (so they say).
Mind you, all last week’s plug for “leading online adult sex shop Peaches & Screams” got me was a bollocking from my esteemed editor for abusing my editorial integrity.
With that in mind Lelo, you can shove your toys where the sun don’t shine… (please).