And so this is Christmas…of course it is. Don’t believe everything you read on this otherwise highly accurate and august site; this particular member of the Decision Marketing Nerve Centre is coming over all festive. In fact, I will be coming over anything I can for the next month.
I mean, what else are we supposed to be doing? The pubs are shut, the boutiques too, and the hairdressers, spas, massage parlours, theatres, concert halls, cinemas, museums and galleries.
Mind you, some of the businesses which have been forced to close could shut forever as far as I’m concerned: betting shops (who cares?), auction houses (never been in one), car washes (that’s what blokes are for), golf courses and driving ranges (so what?), leisure centres and gyms (I never did like PE), stables and riding centres (poor old horsey types), archery and shooting ranges (never mind, Jezza Lee), and places of worship (poor old god botherers).
Then again, we’ve been expecting this for a while so at least the Decision Marketing Microbrewery is well stocked. So far, we have 30 bottles of Young’s Wine Buddy Merlot, 30 bottles of Solomon Grundy Rosé, 36 pints of Muntons Hand Crafted Belgian Ale, 40 pints of Muntons Gold Continental Pilsner, 40 pints of Festival Oaked Apple Cider and 36 pints of St Peter’s Ruby Red Ale and a new batch of Foxy Over A Barrel on the go.
Hopefully, it will be enough to see us through until December 2, by which time we might even have the result of the US Presidential Election and, cross everything please, the self-proclaimed advertising bible’s best buddy Nigel Farage – as well as the giant baby that is Donald John Trump – might finally have that smug grin wiped from his hideous face.
In fact, one of the funniest things I’ve seen this week is from, of all people, Lord Alan Sugar, the man who doesn’t believe in Covid-19 because he doesn’t personally know anyone who has died of it.
Still, we will forgive him this week. His response to Farage tweeting a picture of himself holding up a betting slip which showed he had slapped £10,000 on Trump to win was priceless.
And I quote: “You are a double barrel tosser. You should be renamed Nigel Anusol as you are so far up Trump’s rectum it is untrue. The interesting thing is you think Trump gives a toss about you. Well done on @gmb today you made the nation laugh at your blatant ignorance.”
But, just in case you need reminding, according to Campaign, “Nigel Farage is an impressive marketer and storyteller whose simple, focused and repetitive messaging enshrines some smart strategic practices. Even as so many despise his views, they admire his approach.”
We Shall Not Forget. We Shall Not Forget.