Refresh, re-jiggle, rebrand... repeat

As many of you will realise, I’m sure, rebrand projects require positively South American levels of enthusiasm, combined with meticulous precision and remorseless efficiency to ensure that one’s esteemed clients attain the best conceivable results.
Each project has to be researched, prodded, palpated and intimately examined before the process of re-invigorating a mountain of off and online collateral has even begun, while printers must disgorge spreadsheets of such complexity as to put the average NASA mission to shame. And, at the same time, staff, old and new, have to be marshalled, dragooned, quick-marched and cajoled from one end of the country to another in pursuit of newly re-aligned levels of precision and perfection. Photography and illustration must be exposed to forensic levels of analysis that have served to accurately verify the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle (not whether Walter White Sr will survive Series 5 of ‘Breaking Bad’).
Copy must have been parsed, perused, dissected, reassembled, rewritten, revised and polished until it has sparkles like Waterford Crystal. (My Aunt Dolina would have loved the bargains to be snapped up here) The faint-hearted may fall by the wayside. The stout-hearted will thrive and flourish.
And how do I presume to pontificate on the intricate details of rebrands like these, you may ask? Well, here at Tangible Towers, we are approaching the conclusion of several of these projects; projects that make Joseph Stalin’s 5 Five Year Plan look jejune and unambitious.
And soon, very, very soon (if not by the time this irregular column appears in this venerated organ) our esteemed clients’ brands will emerge from their dry, leathery cocoons as magnificent Purple Emperors and Red Admirals of the UK marketing ecology.
What will be beyond dispute is that these brands will look fresher, more contemporary, more appropriate to their customers, clients and broader audiences. They will appear smarter, leaner, more elegant more comme il faut. They will speak with a sweeter, more apposite tongue. They will reach customers, clients and broader audiences via the media that those audiences prefer. They will be bold without being brash. They will be attentive to every appropriate requirement. They will inhabit the social media space intelligently and deploy the excellent manners they have acquired there, to engage gracefully with their audiences and to provide products and services that they know (for they have researched them) will be desired – at prices that are really quite reasonable. And because of the stupendous effort, the mountain-moving intensity of these enterprises, the consumer will think better of these brands and money will flow in to them and “all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well”.
A positive bi-product of these vast, multi-agency projects has been the genuine enthusiasm it has generated for a similar ‘refreshing’ of our very own Tangible brand.
I would not be so vulgar and forward as to use the virtual pages of this venerated organ to publicise our own agency’s efforts in this sphere. Suffice it to say that in a few short weeks if not (by the time Mr McKelvey’s virtual publication clicks sweetly into action) days, you will see the re-invention of Tangible’s website and (if you are a lucky client) associated collateral.
At which point the miasmic shade of the spotty, bespectacled, Spooner Junior of The Lower Remove would certainly pipe up with “Why, sir, why? What’s the point?”.
At which point I would thunder back at the irritating, little know-all. TO BE FIT FOR PURPOSE, my boy.
Paraphrasing no lesser a luminary than Mr Charles Darwin Esq. I also might aver: “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”