I must admit, all this talk of the royal baby has made me a little broody this week – everywhere I turn, the sisters are sprouting kids like they’re going out of fashion.
First Campaign’s Sara Kimberley, now Princess Kate…I’m beginning to feel slightly left out. The thing is, my body is a temple – the Temple of Doom, to be precise – so I’m not that keen on actually giving birth. I’m certainly not into pain, no matter how much gas and air are on hand, although I don’t mind dishing out the odd spanking…
Luckily my baby dreams were answered yesterday when I received an email from “Latifah” from Nigeria. She kindly contacted me to say that, as she’s already got six kids, she was giving me the chance to own her next one…a girl, due in two weeks’ time.
Talk about perfect timing. It means that I’ll be able to join the “Yummy Mummy Summer of Fun”, without even a hint of a stretch-mark, stitches or prolapse. Hurrah.
All I have to do is transfer $2,000 into Latifah’s bank account and she’s promised to send me the kid by special delivery the next day. What have I got to lose? If I get bored with the brat I can always send it back or at worst leave it on the doorstep of social services.
In the meantime, I’m now going to be a MILF – for the summer at least – and, as such, I’m going to be even more irresistible to all those fit young men out there.
If I get time in between the baby shower, mixing the milk formula, and dressing up my new princess, I might even make a sequel to Busty Does Bognor…how does Yummy Mummy Busty Cums Over All Lusty sound? You must admit, it does have a certain, er, ring to it.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it David Cameron. I mean, what the hell is he playing at trying to interfere with such a great British institution as the UK porn industry? After all, where would this country be without Ben Dover, ‘Big’ Omar Williams, Long Dong Silver and Jim Slip?
Not only that, but with the economy starting to turnaround at last, by opting out, households could well smash the granny out of the billion-dollar porn industry. Mind you, it does raise the question, hasn’t our Prime Minister ever been tempted by Xhamster?
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