Busty grabs holiday by the balls

At last, I’ve booked a holiday, and I reckon I might be needing it after tonight’s leaving do – the chance for all in adland to say a fond farewell to the rather dashing Ian Darby at Campaign magazine.
Now it’s a little known fact but he’s been at Haymarket since he was a small child, joining as editorial assistant on Marketing Direct (remember that?) and he’s worked on Campaign for nearly 13 years, seeing three editors come and go.
No one is quite sure why he’s thrown in the towel. Is it the prospect of a commute to Teddington? Is it the fact his missus doesn’t work there anymore? Or has 13 years sitting next to Jeremy Lee finally taken its toll?
All will no doubt be revealed tonight, although Ian has tried to play down the fact that the Blue Posts in Soho will be populated by tumbleweed, saying: “It’s a deliberately selected date right in the middle of the holiday period to keep numbers down.” Bless.
Of course, many will be staying at home tonight in anticipation of Channel 4’s new series, dubbed the Real Sex Season, which promises to get down and dirty by revealing exactly what goes on in the UK’s bedrooms.
From Date My Porn Star – which sees a trio of sex film fans get a behind the scene glimpse at life as a slapper – to The Week the Women Came, which aims to help men improve the sex lives of women who have struggled to orgasm. I really recommend you guys out there watch this film until you’re blue in the face.
One man who will definitely be watching the whole series – and more than once no doubt – is a patient of sex therapist Michelle Bassam, whom, she explained earlier this week, bashes one out 12 times a day. Now I know there are plenty of wankers in this industry, but even they would struggle to keep up with that…
Talking of which, I’m leaving you lot behind for a few days to go off on my hols at last. OK, it’s not exactly the Maldives, but the Oresund Sound between Denmark and Sweden will certainly be quiet.
Lovely old Tarquin came good in the end and promised to whisk me away, so long as I left mad-eyed Monica behind. Not that Tarquers will be taking a dip in the water, you see, as fisherman have just discovered what appears to be a 25cm-long pacu fish, which it is claimed has a penchant for men’s testicles.
One fish expert at the National History Museum in Denmark said the pacu – a relative of the Amazonian piranha – likes nothing more than bollock, “as they sit nicely in their mouths”. That’s two of us then…

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